Woman Slain by Sleigh

In an ironic collision between language and mortality, a 41-year-old New York woman, Janine Shue, was slain by a runaway sleigh last Wednesday. Witnesses in Central Park said they saw Shue meandering, some say ambling, aimlessly near a snow-covered hill when someone screamed "Look out!" Shue did not look out and was brutally run down by a sleigh covered in decorative barbed wire. Her corpse was taken out of the park on top of a horse, as her native Asian custom dictated, and laid upon a pile of garbage in New Jersey for three nights. Mourners, such as neighbor Ryan Hooks, came by and paid tribute to the body in his own native custom by spitting on it. Hooks told reporters, "I didn't really know her at all. But there's all these people out here, so I came to see what was happening." Asked if the spitting represented something specific to his culture, Hooks said, "What? No."

Shue's body will be laid to rest, according to custom, in a giant cinder block and sunk into the East River at sundown on the vernal equinox.