Woodstock resident Janine Shue, a self-described "real cougar", was killed today after an unfortunate encounter with a wildcat escaped from the Forsyth Park Zoo. Shue, who was discovered with multiple lacerations to her face, neck, and chest, had crammed her ample frame into a top that stated she is a "Sexy Bitch", low-rise jeans that revealed her multiple stretch marks from three kids, and spike heels. Animal Control stated that her garish, age-inappropriate garb "almost certainly" contributed to her death.
Onlookers stated that Shue primarily tried to defend her hairstyle and her knock-off Prada bag, which she picked up on Canal St. in New York City last month. As of this time, the cougar is considered at large and a hero.
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