Local theoretical physicist Janine Shue, 35, died yesterday in an apparent attempt to destroy the fabric of the universe. Her lab partner, Ryan Hooks, told police that Shue was "trying to figure out a way to create a vacuum big enough to destroy a city. Instead, she just destroyed her own torso." Scientists at the scene said that if Shue had been more successful, she could have ripped a hole in the fabric of space-time, possibly destroying the Earth. Hooks, visibly sad, responded to the scientists, "She'd have liked that."
Donations can be made, in lieu of flowers, to any research facility furthering the efforts of human annihilation.
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