Area local, Ryan Hooks, was found face-down on a street corner, seemingly completely not living. Authorities were called when several people had shouted at him to "move the fuck out of the way," with absolutely no response. Passerby Janine Shue said, "I did everything I could to get him to move. At first I just sighed really loudly, hoping he'd get the point. Then I called him a prick and told him to get the hell out of my way. Then I started hitting him with my backpack. Nothing. He just wouldn't move. Stupid jerk." The lifeless body was finally taken away by police after having collected almost $17 in his up-turned, bloodied hat.
Police confiscated the money and will use it to partially fund the funeral service, which is being held at an undisclosed subway platform.
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