Area loner Ryan Hooks, 34, of Purchase, NY, died Thursday of a collapsed prostate and acute losernerditis after a prolonged struggle with internet pornography, loneliness, and social awkwardness. Hooks was frequently seen haunting local Gamestops and Microsoft Stores, often sobbing uncontrollably when employees failed to engage in his desperate attempts to reach out to another human being. Increasingly his social interactions were limited to pizza delivery services and his credit card company, which often issued overlimit fees for Hooks' estimated 78 pornographic website subscriptions.
Hooks is survived by his mother, who was quoted as saying, "Who?" when told of his death. He has bequeathed his estate to his XBox 360 and Kate Mulgrew, best known for her role as Captain Kathryn Janeway from Star Trek: Voyager.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment