In an unusual medical case, Queens resident Ryan Hooks, 40, caught every single disease and died Wednesday, after a brief, fruitless battle with "I might be getting a sore throat; I'm not sure. It's probably just depression." After the AIDS, cancer, ebola, pinkeye, lupus, and whooping cough ravaged his system, Hooks caught a broken leg and tripped in the street, where a taxi hit him just as he suffocated from SIDS. Hooks' dog walker, Janine Shue, showed little reaction upon hearing the news, except slight annoyance. "Well, that's typical. What the hell do I do with this damn dog now? I'm not Asian, you know." Shue was clearly Asian, another disease Hooks had briefly caught.
If anyone wants Hooks' plants and Ikea bookshelf, they will be put out on the curb this Saturday at 1 p.m.
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