Monday, January 11, 2010

Office Worker, 42, Dies of Something or Other

Ryan Hooks, an office worker at some building in a largish city somewhere, died Friday morning of either a disease or an accident. Coworkers looked surprised at first, then showed consternation when they realized that Hooks was not the coworker they were thinking of. "Him?! That guy who always wore those shirts?" exclaimed Janine Shue, a woman who answered phones or something at the same office. However, the man next to her confirmed that no, Hooks was not in fact the guy who wore those shirts. "Well, fuck," said Shue. "That probably sucks. Unless Hooks was an asshole. Which he undoubtedly was." She then excused her nondescript self to go get her eighth cup of coffee for the day.

Friends and acquaintances are asked to donate to the office lottery pool in lieu of sending flowers.

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