NYC paraplegic and generally dickish resident Ryan Hooks finally got what was coming to him last Wednesday when he died during a recent stampede in Union Square. Hooks was often seen cutting off pedestrians in the plaza in his motorized wheelchair while making rude gestures and muttering obscenities about minorities and "fatties." Wednesday's stampede was notably localized near that one statue where Hooks would park his electric wheelchair and tell passersby to "lose some goddamn weight you lazy Indians." Organic, breast-fed duck-egg-vendor Janine Shue commented, "I have never seen anyone as miserable as that asshole in the wheelchair, but nobody deserves to die like that. All trampled on his face and stuff in the Farmer's Market. Cold."
Hooks' body will be thrown into the East River and his wheelchair salvaged for parts by Dominicans in an illegal shop on the Upper West Side.
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